...starting to look a little brighter.



***sept 15th 2009***
I do believe the word complicated is the only word I can put there. I am at a cross road in my life and more often than not I seem to be walking in cirles. And I am more than a little lost at the moment. I keep looking for a sign or something to show me where it is that I am suppost to be going but it feels as though I am looking through a fog. Nothing I do seems to feel right anymore and I have gotten myself so lost that I fear lossing myself before I find my way back to the beaten path. I want so badly to just be happy but I dont even know how to do that anymore. I feel that somedays I know what I am supposed to be doing but it never stays around long enough for me to be certain. Perhaps I am just second guessing myself too many times and I need to follow my instincts. I just dont know anymore.
On top of everything else I am so sick of being broke. I havent had a customer in a month and it is really starting to eat away at my mind. The longer it takes to get someone in here for work the more I think about quitting. I know you dont want to hear that, but its true. I am almost ready to give up on those dreams simply because they just seem too far out of reach. Dont get me wrong okay, I love what we do but..... Its getting harder to hold on to faith when it seems to be slipping between my fingers I have pinched pennies for as long as I can remember and damnit for once it would be nice not to have to live paycheck to paycheck. I would like to actually be able to go do something, or shop for clothing, buy shoes for my guys because they are litterally walking out of the ones they are wearing. I dont even have a pair of pants that will fit to keep me warm while the weather cools off. My son only has one pair that fits! One!! I cant even afford to go visit my family for the holidays. I'm just thankful that I have food on my table and that I can get all the bills paid, but unfortunately that is it. I cant even afford body wash, and I am quickly running out of toilet paper. I feel like I am at my wits end. I feel like I am failing my family because I cant give them more than what we have. I need a better car, my house is falling apart right under my feet(litterally) and I cant even afford to wash my hair anymore. It is eatting me up inside.

~Please God Help me!~

I went through and started reading over some of my old works and found it kinda funny how some of those words are ringing true once again. I was actually kind of amazed because as of right now there are 104 peices of literature in my gallery and every last one of them are some how inspired by some sort of event in my life.

I thought I would just add a few more words here while I was submitting a new poem. Anyways, Enjoy my works.

****MAY 25th*****
I have decided to start writting again. I have finally found my muse (although it happens to be very far away at the moment)I have finally found the poems and songs in my heart again and am going to attempt to put them on paper and add them to so keep an eye out for more "words"

I have come to the realization that I should really stop drinking. Epsecially around certain people (who will remain nameless for the sake of them and myself) Everytime I have a drink around "said persons" I end up having very strange dreams. Which would be okay but they are starting to freak me out just a little bit.

The worse part is that my writers block is keeping me from making anything out of it but giberous. (sp?) And it makes it just that much more frustrating.


So the lesson here is: No drinking! lol



***EDIT* THis is time 3 lets see if the pattern repeats itself tonight. BTW: Happy new Years.

Well Thank goodness lack of sleep is not conducive of dreaming. New Years eve consisted of Shots Fireworks and staying up till 4 am talking about just about everything. I really enjoyed it.


For those of you wondering "yes I have a new years Resolution" and NO I am not telling you what it is... yet. lol

I have all this stuff that I want to get out but I just cant find the words to say it!

OKay I absolutely total love:



*Pika-la-Cynique

And

~AsheRhyder



Roomates and Girls Next Door!!


Best comics ever. Everyone should check them out!