...starting to look a little brighter.



***sept 15th 2009***
I do believe the word complicated is the only word I can put there. I am at a cross road in my life and more often than not I seem to be walking in cirles. And I am more than a little lost at the moment. I keep looking for a sign or something to show me where it is that I am suppost to be going but it feels as though I am looking through a fog. Nothing I do seems to feel right anymore and I have gotten myself so lost that I fear lossing myself before I find my way back to the beaten path. I want so badly to just be happy but I dont even know how to do that anymore. I feel that somedays I know what I am supposed to be doing but it never stays around long enough for me to be certain. Perhaps I am just second guessing myself too many times and I need to follow my instincts. I just dont know anymore.
On top of everything else I am so sick of being broke. I havent had a customer in a month and it is really starting to eat away at my mind. The longer it takes to get someone in here for work the more I think about quitting. I know you dont want to hear that, but its true. I am almost ready to give up on those dreams simply because they just seem too far out of reach. Dont get me wrong okay, I love what we do but..... Its getting harder to hold on to faith when it seems to be slipping between my fingers I have pinched pennies for as long as I can remember and damnit for once it would be nice not to have to live paycheck to paycheck. I would like to actually be able to go do something, or shop for clothing, buy shoes for my guys because they are litterally walking out of the ones they are wearing. I dont even have a pair of pants that will fit to keep me warm while the weather cools off. My son only has one pair that fits! One!! I cant even afford to go visit my family for the holidays. I'm just thankful that I have food on my table and that I can get all the bills paid, but unfortunately that is it. I cant even afford body wash, and I am quickly running out of toilet paper. I feel like I am at my wits end. I feel like I am failing my family because I cant give them more than what we have. I need a better car, my house is falling apart right under my feet(litterally) and I cant even afford to wash my hair anymore. It is eatting me up inside.

~Please God Help me!~